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Why did the office plant get employee of the month?

Because it had great growth potential.

What did the sticky note say when it got promoted?

I've really stuck with this company!

Why did the office worker stare at the frozen orange juice can?

Because it said 'concentrate.'

What did the paper clip say on its first day at work?

I'm here to hold things together!

Why did the office worker tape their wallet shut?

They wanted to stop making liquid assets.

What do you call an employee who refuses to sit down?

Outstanding.

Why did the spreadsheet break up with the word document?

It had too many issues with their relationship columns.

Why did the speed of light get a speeding ticket?

It went 299,792,458 in a 65 zone — but argued it was just doing what came naturally.

What did the beaker say to the Erlenmeyer flask?

I see right through you — you're not as well-rounded as you think.

Why did the comet break up with the asteroid?

It said, "I need space, and you're too dense for me."