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Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish.

Why did the cat sit on the computer?

To keep an eye on the mouse.

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A Labracadabrador.

Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed.

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!

What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

Why don't calendars ever get stressed?

Because they always take things one day at a time.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

Why did the crab never share?

He was a little shellfish.