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Why did the mummy call in sick to work?

He was feeling a little wrapped up in things.

What did the samurai say to the comedian?

That joke was cutting edge.

Why was the history exam on Ancient Greece so hard?

Because all the answers were myth-leading.

What did the Renaissance painter say when he finished his masterpiece?

I'm done — I've been framed enough already.

Why was the archaeologist always broke?

His career was in ruins.

What did the Aztec calendar say to the Gregorian calendar?

Your days are numbered.

Why did the ancient Greek philosopher refuse dessert?

He had too much on his Plato.

What did the Ottoman Empire say when it finally collapsed?

I'm just going to put my feet up.

Why did the Viking refuse to email his battle plans?

He preferred to Norse code.

What did George Washington say to his troops before crossing the Delaware?

Get in the boat, men — and don't rock it, we're already in hot water.