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Why did the rice file a noise complaint?

The beans next door wouldn't stop being gassy.

What did the olive say at the job interview?

I work well under pressure — just ask the oil.

Why was the granola bar such a good mediator?

It always held things together.

What did the wok say to the frying pan?

You're not as deep as you think you are.

Why did the crouton refuse to leave the salad bowl?

It was on a roll and didn't want to toss it away.

What did the jalapeño say to the habanero who kept bragging?

You really need to simmer down — you're not that hot.

Why was the baguette always getting into arguments?

It had a real crusty attitude.

What did the fondue say to the bread cubes at the party?

I'm so glad you could dip in!

Why did the pretzel go to the chiropractor?

It was feeling all twisted up inside.

What did the salad say when someone tried to put it in the oven?

That's not my bowl of greens — lettuce not go there.