Dad Jokes for Work

My friend keeps making electricity puns.

They're truly revolting.

I used to be a professional poker player, but I lost my shirt.

Now I'm just dealing with it.

My wife asked why I was whispering at home.

I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

I just got a new job at a monastery.

The work is nun of your business.

I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places.

He said stop going to those places.

I just started a band called 999 Megabytes.

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

I told my son I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

He asked 'Which one don't you know?' I said 'I don't know Y.'

My electrician friend accidentally blew the power grid.

He's currently not working.

I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married.

The ceremony was okay but the reception was incredible.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

My wife says my obsession with tower defense games is childish.

But she needs to stop attacking me — I've got walls up.

I used to run a dating service for chickens.

But I kept struggling to make hens meet.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda today.

Luckily it was a soft drink.

I tried to make a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless.

My ceiling isn't the best, but it's up there.

It really tops everything else in the house.