Dad Jokes for Work

I used to hate facial hair.

But then it grew on me.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that.

I tried to start a hot air balloon business.

It never really took off.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works.

Then it struck me.

My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.

I said maybe.

I'm on a seafood diet.

I see food and I eat it.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

It literally does.

I just got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

My friend claims he can build a car out of spaghetti.

I'd like to see him drive pasta.

I told my computer I needed a break.

Now it won't stop sending me Kit-Kat ads.

Broken pencils are pretty useless.

They're pointless.

I used to be a banker.

But I lost interest.

My landlord told me we need to talk about my heating bill.

I said sure, my door is always open.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

It's impossible to put down.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.