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I just got a new job at a monastery.

The work is nun of your business.

I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places.

He said stop going to those places.

I just started a band called 999 Megabytes.

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

I told my son I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

He asked 'Which one don't you know?' I said 'I don't know Y.'

My electrician friend accidentally blew the power grid.

He's currently not working.

I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married.

The ceremony was okay but the reception was incredible.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.