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What did the mama volcano say to the baby volcano?

I lava you!

Why was the baseball stadium so hot?

All the fans left.

What do you call a basketball player who misses every shot?

A brick layer.

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its parents were in a jam!

Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?

He wanted to tie the score.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed kid and a well-dressed parent?

About thirty minutes of arguing!

Why did the family sit on the clock?

They wanted to be a family of four... o'clock!

What did the grape say when the whole family stepped on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What did the to-do list say at the end of the day?

I'm still not over you — you didn't cross me off.

Why do mothers always win at poker?

Because they always know when you're bluffing about brushing your teeth!