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You know that cemetery up the road?

People are dying to get in there.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

What's the best thing about elevator jokes?

They work on so many levels.

Have you heard about the owl sanctuary job opening?

It’s all night shifts but they’re all a hoot over there.

Why did the miner get fired from his job?

He took it for granite...

Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines!

A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke. Thank you”. “Sure thing” the bartender replies and asks “but what’s with the big pause?

The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them.”

How many bones are in the human hand?

A handful of them.

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?

Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.