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What do you call corn that joins the army?

Kernel.

Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?

Guilty.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

What do you call a criminal going down the stairs?

Condescending.

Do you want a brief explanation of what an acorn is?

In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.

What do you call a boy who stopped digging holes?

Douglas.

What do you call a pig that knows karate?

A pork chop!

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

What did the sea say to the sand?

We have to stop meeting like this.

Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.