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What did the beaver say to the tree?

It's been nice gnawing you.

What is the hardest part about sky diving?

The ground.

Two guys walk into a bar . . .

The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."

Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.

What's the worst part about being a cross-eyed teacher?

They can't control their pupils.

Why did the programmer always carry a pencil?

They preferred to write in C#.

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?

The second one.

How do you make the number one disappear?

Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemonaid.

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?

Make me one with everything.