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Why didn’t the orange win the race?

It ran out of juice.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

Why do ducks make great detectives?

They always quack the case.

Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

Why did the feline fail the lie detector test?

Because he be lion.

Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

Because he has low elf esteem.

Why did the cookie cry?

It was feeling crumby.