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What do you call a penguin who steals things?

A hardened criminal — he's already doing hard time on ice.

Why did the optometrist fail his exam?

He couldn't see the point.

What do you call a detective who solves crimes at the bakery?

An under-cover roll.

Why did the nail feel so important?

Because everyone kept hitting on it.

What do you call a guitar that gets everything wrong?

Out of tune with reality.

Why did the calendar break up with the clock?

Their days were numbered.

What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?

A funny bunny.

Why did the stadium whisper?

Because it didn't want to make a scene.