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Why did the tomato blush during the podcast?

It saw the salad dressing.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

Why did the calendar feel popular?

It had a lot of dates.

What did the grape do when it got promoted?

It let out a little wine.

Why did the bicycle fall over at the debate?

It lost its balance of arguments.

Why did the musician bring a ladder to the gig?

To reach the high notes.

What do you call a factory that sells passable products?

A satisfactory.

Why did the coffee call the police?

It got mugged.

Why do opticians live so long?

Because they dilate.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur's snack?

Dinosnores.