Corny Dad Jokes

Why did the mortgage feel so possessive?

Because it was always holding interest.

What do you call a penny that tells tall tales?

A cent-sational storyteller.

Why did the accountant break up with the spreadsheet?

Because it had too many issues and no balance.

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward.

I threw a boomerang years ago.

I now live in constant fear.

I just found out my grandpa is addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop anytime.

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts.

My dad always said 'never invest in trampolines.'

He said it's a market with too many ups and downs.

I used to be addicted to the hokey cokey.

But then I turned myself around — and that's what it's all about.

My friend bet me I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen the look on his face when I drove pasta.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Please don't buy it.

I accidentally swallowed a handful of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I made a playlist of songs about sewing.

It's called my Spotify needle-drop.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Guess it's a waist of a band.