Dad Jokes for Work

What did the planet say when it got kicked out of the solar system?

I'm so Pluto right now — totally dwarf-ed by the competition.

Why was the recessive gene so humble?

It never got to express itself.

What did the seismograph say on a boring day?

Nothing's shaking — this job has its ups and downs.

Why did the Bunsen burner win the talent show?

It gave the hottest performance — the crowd was absolutely lit.

What did the red blood cell say at retirement?

I've been circulating the same stories for years — time to call it a platelet.

Why was the periodic table feeling overwhelmed?

It had too many elements to deal with.

What did the paleontologist say at the surprise birthday party?

I dig this!

Why did the electron start a podcast?

It had a lot of energy and wanted to share its current thoughts.

What did the telescope say to the microscope?

You really need to look at the bigger picture.

Why did the acid fail as a stand-up comedian?

Every time it tried to be neutral, it lost its edge — it only worked with a strong base.

What did the Kelvin scale say to Celsius at the party?

You may be popular, but I've got absolute zero chill.

Why did the white blood cell file a restraining order?

The virus just wouldn't stop invading its personal space.

What did the biologist say when asked why they kept twins in the lab?

One's the control group.

Why did the photon check zero bags at the airport?

Because it was traveling light.

What did the geologist say to the comedian who bombed?

Don't worry, your comedy will improve with enough pressure and time.