Short Dad Jokes

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in a snowbank?

Shiver me timbers!

How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to aye.

What's a pirate's favorite type of exercise?

The plank.

Why did the pirate go to school?

To improve his arrrticulation.

What did the mug say to the kettle after an argument?

That's the pot calling the kettle hot!

Why did the cappuccino feel so fancy?

It was always frothing at the top.

What do you call a tea bag that tells scary stories?

A horror brew.

Why was the decaf coffee so sad at the party?

It felt like nobody could get buzzed around it.

What did the barista say when the latte complained?

You need to espresso your feelings better.

Why did the green tea dump the black tea?

It said their relationship was too steeped in drama.

What do you call a coffee that sues people?

Grounds for a lawsuit.

Why did the tea leaf refuse to jump in the cup?

It didn't want to get into hot water.

What did the espresso say to the french press?

You're so full of pressure!

Why did the coffee bean go to the police station?

It got mugged.

Why did the shoelace go to therapy?

It kept getting tied up in knots over everything.