Short Dad Jokes

What do you call a fashionable ghost?

A boo-tique shopper.

Why did the flip-flop go to court?

It kept flip-flopping on its testimony.

What did the pants say when they were too tight?

This is a waist of my time!

Why did the t-shirt break up with the hanger?

It was tired of being strung along.

What do you call a hat that graduated top of its class?

The cap-tain of the honor roll.

Why did the thimble get promoted?

It was outstanding in its field — and never got the point.

What did the iron say to the wrinkled shirt?

I'm going to press charges.

Why was the laundry always so dramatic?

Because it kept airing its dirty laundry.

Why did the vest go to the guidance counselor?

It had no arms and didn't know which direction to go.

What did the needle say to the thread during the argument?

You're really pushing me through the eye!

Why did the ATM go on a diet?

It wanted to stop dispensing so much cash.

What do you call a debt that's always cracking jokes?

A laughing stock.

Why did the hedge fund manager bring shears to work?

He wanted to trim the hedges.

What did one check say to the other at the dance?

Let's bounce!

Why don't savings accounts ever throw parties?

They can't stop being so reserved.