Short Dad Jokes

What did the loan officer say at the comedy club?

I'm here all week — with interest!

Why did the tax return go to the therapist?

It had too many deductions to process.

What do you call a banker who's also a gardener?

Someone who likes watching their savings grow.

Why did the dime refuse to hang out with the quarter?

It didn't want to be short-changed.

Why was the nickel always the center of attention?

Because it always made cents.

What do you call a dollar bill in a blender?

Liquid assets.

Why did the mortgage feel so possessive?

Because it was always holding interest.

What do you call a penny that tells tall tales?

A cent-sational storyteller.

Why did the accountant break up with the spreadsheet?

Because it had too many issues and no balance.

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape.

That would be a big step forward.

I threw a boomerang years ago.

I now live in constant fear.

I just found out my grandpa is addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop anytime.

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts.

My dad always said 'never invest in trampolines.'

He said it's a market with too many ups and downs.