Short Dad Jokes

I entered ten puns in a contest to see if any would win.

No pun in ten did.

My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex.

They're his watchdogs.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She hugged me.

My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

That was hard to hear.

I got a job at a mirror factory.

It's something I can really see myself doing.

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

Think about it.

My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.

I told my suitcase there would be no vacation this year.

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

I used to hate facial hair.

But then it grew on me.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that.

I tried to start a hot air balloon business.

It never really took off.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works.

Then it struck me.

My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall.

I said maybe.

I'm on a seafood diet.

I see food and I eat it.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

It literally does.