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I asked my dog what's two minus two.

He said nothing.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.

But you didn't like it.

I told my wife she was overreacting.

She just threw the periodic table at me.

I used to be a personal trainer, but I gave it up.

It just wasn't working out.

I told my friend I was going to make a car out of macaroni.

She drove pasta.

What do you call a dinosaur that writes poetry?

A veloci-rhymer.

Why did the quilt go to college?

It wanted a higher degree of comfort.

What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?

Hoo-dini.