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I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted.

When I opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

When do doctors get angry?

When they run out of patients.

I went to the store to pick up eight cans of sprite...

When I got home I realized I'd only picked seven up.

What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?

A bah-humbug.

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?

They will give you a piece of your mind.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

I remember when I was a kid, I opened my fridge and noticed one of my vegetables were crying.

I guess I have some emotional cabbage.

What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend?

She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.

I asked my date to go to the gym the other day.

They never showed up. That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.