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How do you make a water bed more bouncy.

You use Spring Water.

How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

You will see one later and one in a while.

How do you fix a broken pizza?

With tomato paste.

How does a dyslexic poet write?

Inverse.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!

How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

How do locomotives know where they're going?

Lots of training.

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.