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What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?

Ketchup.

What do you call two barracuda fish?

A Pairacuda!

I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language.

I don’t know why.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...

Then I saw her face.

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?

Because it's a little meteor.

What do you call a female snake.

Misssssssss.

My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

Why do birds fly south for the winter?

Because it's too far to walk.

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.