Dad Jokes for Work

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Someone complimented my parking today.

They left a little note on my windshield that said 'parking fine.'

I just found out I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

My cat was just sick on the carpet.

I don't think it's feline well.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

My kid wants to be an archaeologist.

I told her that career is in ruins.

I wanted to take a bath but the water was too hot.

I decided not to — it was a heated decision.

I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games.

She said Wii.

I used to be addicted to soap.

But I'm clean now.

My email password has been hacked.

That's the third time I've had to rename my cat.

I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

It's called Feefiphobia.

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork.

I think I nailed it.

My friend says I'm too condescending.

That means I talk down to people.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know which comes first.