Dad Jokes for Work

I'm no good at math, but I know that 5 out of 4 people struggle with fractions.

Including me, apparently.

A cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie was everywhere.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift.

But I couldn't find the manual.

My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the store.

I brought 7 Up.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I signed up for a procrastination class.

They haven't started yet.

My wife says I only have two faults.

Everything I say and everything I do.

I asked my dog what two minus two is.

He said nothing.

I'm thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland.

Well, the flag is a big plus.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

I cut my finger chopping cheese.

I think I might have grater problems though.

I used to work at a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.

I tried to make a belt out of herbs.

It was a waist of thyme.

My daughter asked me what I'm posting on social media.

I told her I'm not posting, I'm dad-a-basing.