What did the Civil War general say to the pastry chef?
Nice work — your layers have real battle lines.
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20 Best History Dad Jokes
Puns from the past that still land today.
Browse all history jokes »
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Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”.
3
Why was the Egyptian pharaoh so relaxed?
He was in de-Nile about his problems.
4
Why did the medieval king go to the orthodontist?
He wanted to get his crown straightened.
5
What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words?
A thesaurus!
6
What did the ancient Greek philosopher order at the restaurant?
A Socra-tease of appetizers!
7
Why did the Viking refuse to email his battle plans?
He preferred to Norse code.
8
Why did the ancient Roman wear armor to bed?
In case they had to fight off a knight-mare!
9
Why did Napoleon never play hide and seek?
Because even when he hid, he was still a little short of expectations.
10
Why was the Civil War soldier such a good comedian?
Because they always knew which side to pick!
11
What did the Aztec calendar say to the Gregorian calendar?
Your days are numbered.
12
What did the ancient Egyptian architect say after building the pyramids?
That's a wrap.
13
What do history teachers and judges have in common?
They both care about dates and sentences!
14
Why didn't the ancient Egyptians ever feel stressed?
Because they were always in de-Nile about their problems!
15
What did the Ottoman Empire say when it finally collapsed?
I'm just going to put my feet up.
16
What did George Washington say to his troops before crossing the Delaware?
Get in the boat, men — and don't rock it, we're already in hot water.
17
What did the samurai say to the comedian?
That joke was cutting edge.
18
What do you call a knight who's afraid to fight?
Sir Render!
19
Why did the Roman Empire fall?
Because it couldn't find the right columns of support!
20
What do you call a medieval king who surveys his land?
A ruler!