Why did the Roman Empire fall?
Because it couldn't find the right columns of support!
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What did the samurai say to the comedian?
That joke was cutting edge.
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What did the ancient Egyptian architect say after building the pyramids?
That's a wrap.
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Why was the Civil War soldier such a good comedian?
Because they always knew which side to pick!
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Why did the ancient Roman wear armor to bed?
In case they had to fight off a knight-mare!
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Why did the Viking refuse to email his battle plans?
He preferred to Norse code.
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Why didn't the ancient Egyptians ever feel stressed?
Because they were always in de-Nile about their problems!
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What did George Washington say to his troops before crossing the Delaware?
Get in the boat, men — and don't rock it, we're already in hot water.
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What did the Ottoman Empire say when it finally collapsed?
I'm just going to put my feet up.
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What do history teachers and judges have in common?
They both care about dates and sentences!
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What do you call a knight who's afraid to fight?
Sir Render!
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What did the Aztec calendar say to the Gregorian calendar?
Your days are numbered.
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What did the Civil War general say to the pastry chef?
Nice work — your layers have real battle lines.
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What did the ancient clock say to the sundial?
You're a bit behind the times!
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What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words?
A thesaurus!
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What did the Renaissance painter say when he finished his masterpiece?
I'm done — I've been framed enough already.
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Why did the caveman keep bumping into things?
Because they lived in the dark ages — before the Stone Age even got lit!
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Why did the ancient Greek athlete refuse dessert?
Because they were already running the marathon!
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Why did Napoleon always carry a map of France?
Because he wanted to stay on course-ica!
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What do you call a medieval king who surveys his land?
A ruler!