20 Best Doctor & Medical Dad Jokes

Hey, dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut.

Why did the skeleton go to the hospital dance alone?

He had no body to go with.

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

Why did the pillow go to the doctor?

It was feeling stuffed up!

Why did the anesthesiologist get promoted?

He always put everyone at ease.

Why did the doctor carry a red pen?

In case they needed to draw blood!

Why did the nurse bring a ladder to work?

Because they heard the patients were on a higher floor of recovery!

Why do nurses like red crayons?

Sometimes they have to draw blood.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing their own incision?

Suture self!

What do you call a doctor who's always on the move?

A running nose specialist!

How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

What did the dentist say to the computer?

This won't hurt a byte!

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?

Patient: Good news please. Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?

They're making headlines!

What did the surgeon say before removing the patient's funny bone?

This might not be very humerus.

What did the dentist say to the golfer?

You have a hole in one.

What did the blood cell say when it got lost?

I think I took the wrong artery — now I'm all veined up.

What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man who broke his leg?

Try icing it.

What did the X-ray say to the broken leg?

I can see right through you.