What did the mountain climber name his son?
Cliff.
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Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?
" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where's pop corn?
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Why do parents always carry a map?
Because their kids keep driving them up the wall!
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Why did the dad bring a ladder to the family reunion?
Because he wanted to raise the bar!
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Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
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Why did the uncle keep telling everyone he was a pillow?
He was just really into soft-ware!
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Why did the family bring a pencil to game night?
In case they needed to draw!
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Where do owls go to buy their baby clothes?
The owlet malls.
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How do you teach a kid to climb stairs?
There is a step by step guide.
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What do you call a dad who falls through the ice?
A pop-sicle!
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Hostess: Do you have a preference of where you sit?
Dad: Down.
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How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket.
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
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Q: What did the spaghetti say to the other spaghetti?
A: Pasta la vista, baby!
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Why are parents always so good at geometry?
Because they know all the angles — especially when the kids are lying!
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Why did the mom measure her son before bedtime?
She wanted to see how long he could sleep!
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What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?
Ketchup.
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Why do kids always carry a watch during hide and seek?
Because time is always running out!