20 Best Family Dad Jokes

Why did the baby refuse to eat the alphabet soup?

He didn't want anyone putting words in his mouth!

Why did the new dad stare at the frozen juice can?

Because it said 'concentrate'!

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its parents were in a jam!

Why did the mother broom scold the baby broom?

Because it was sweeping past curfew!

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

What did the door say to its Valentine?

I a-door you!

Can I watch the TV?

Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

What did the mommy spider say to the baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web!

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...

Then I saw her face.

Why did the teenager keep his report card in the freezer?

Because he wanted to get his grades higher — starting from zero degrees!

Why do parents always carry a map?

Because their kids keep driving them up the wall!

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

What did the mama buffalo say when her boy left for college?

Bison!

Why did the uncle keep telling everyone he was a pillow?

He was just really into soft-ware!

What did the mountain climber name his son?

Cliff.

Why did the dad bring a ladder to the family reunion?

Because he wanted to raise the bar!

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?

and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where's pop corn?

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

Why do kids always carry a watch during hide and seek?

Because time is always running out!