20 Best Family Dad Jokes

Why did the teenager keep his report card in the freezer?

Because he wanted to get his grades higher — starting from zero degrees!

Why did the baby refuse to eat the alphabet soup?

He didn't want anyone putting words in his mouth!

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its parents were in a jam!

What did the mountain climber name his son?

Cliff.

What did the mommy spider say to the baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web!

What do you call twin brothers who love building?

A construction pair-ent!

What did the door say to its Valentine?

I a-door you!

Why do parents always carry a map?

Because their kids keep driving them up the wall!

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

What did the mama buffalo say when her boy left for college?

Bison!

Can I watch the TV?

Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

Why are dad jokes so reliable?

Because they're full of pop culture!

What did the drummer name her twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two...

Why did the mother broom scold the baby broom?

Because it was sweeping past curfew!

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

What do you call a dad who's also a gardener?

A plant parent!

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...

Then I saw her face.

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

Why did the new dad stare at the frozen juice can?

Because it said 'concentrate'!