20 Best Family Dad Jokes

Why did the baby refuse to eat the alphabet soup?

He didn't want anyone putting words in his mouth!

What did the mommy spider say to the baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web!

Why did the teenager keep his report card in the freezer?

Because he wanted to get his grades higher — starting from zero degrees!

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...

Then I saw her face.

Can I watch the TV?

Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its parents were in a jam!

Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?

Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are. Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.

What did the door say to its Valentine?

I a-door you!

What did the mama buffalo say when her boy left for college?

Bison!

Why did the uncle keep telling everyone he was a pillow?

He was just really into soft-ware!

What did the mountain climber name his son?

Cliff.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?

Where's pop corn?

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

How do you teach a kid to climb stairs?

There is a step by step guide.

Why was the Thanksgiving table so smart?

It was great at bringing everyone to-gather!

Why did the dad bring a ladder to the family reunion?

Because he wanted to raise the bar!

Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?

and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

Why do kids always carry a watch during hide and seek?

Because time is always running out!