Family Dad Jokes

What did the mommy spider say to the baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web!

Why did the dad put wheels on his rocking chair?

He wanted to rock and roll!

Why do kids always carry a watch during hide and seek?

Because time is always running out!

Why did the baby refuse to eat the alphabet soup?

He didn't want anyone putting words in his mouth!

What do you call a grandpa who can rap?

A grand-master!

Why did the uncle keep telling everyone he was a pillow?

He was just really into soft-ware!

Why did the mom measure her son before bedtime?

She wanted to see how long he could sleep!

Why did the dad sit on the newspaper?

He wanted to be on top of current events!

What do you call a brother who always falls asleep at family dinner?

A napkin!

Why did the teenager keep his report card in the freezer?

Because he wanted to get his grades higher — starting from zero degrees!