Family Dad Jokes

Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

Because it was rated arrr!

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

Wife: Honey I’m pregnant. Me: Well…. what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor. Me: Hm.. I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?

Ketchup.

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop signing "I'm A Believer"...

Then I saw her face.

What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song?

I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.