One-liners Dad Jokes

I made a playlist of songs about sewing.

It's called my Spotify needle-drop.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

Guess it's a waist of a band.

My friend keeps making electricity puns.

They're truly revolting.

I used to be a professional poker player, but I lost my shirt.

Now I'm just dealing with it.

My wife asked why I was whispering at home.

I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.

I just got a new job at a monastery.

The work is nun of your business.

I told the doctor I broke my arm in two places.

He said stop going to those places.

I just started a band called 999 Megabytes.

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

I told my son I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

He asked 'Which one don't you know?' I said 'I don't know Y.'

My electrician friend accidentally blew the power grid.

He's currently not working.