One-liners Dad Jokes

I tried to write a joke about paper.

It was tearable.

I told my kids I could cut a piece of wood just by looking at it.

They didn't believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes.

I used to work at a blanket factory, but it folded.

Now I'm just trying to cover my expenses.

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

I asked my dog what's two minus two.

He said nothing.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke.

But you didn't like it.

I told my wife she was overreacting.

She just threw the periodic table at me.

I used to be a personal trainer, but I gave it up.

It just wasn't working out.

I told my friend I was going to make a car out of macaroni.

She drove pasta.