One-liners jokes

I got a reversible jacket for my birthday.

I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I quit my job at the helium factory.

I refused to be spoken to in that tone.

I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.

Now I'm partial to fractions too.

My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.

But I'm on a roll.

I told my cat she was standing on my laptop.

She looked down and said nothing — she was on a different page.

I accidentally got glue all over my autobiography.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

My friend keeps saying 'cheer up, things could be worse — you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.'

I know he means well.