One-liners jokes

Someone complimented my parking today.

They left a little note on my windshield that said 'parking fine.'

I just found out I'm colorblind.

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

My cat was just sick on the carpet.

I don't think it's feline well.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

My kid wants to be an archaeologist.

I told her that career is in ruins.

I wanted to take a bath but the water was too hot.

I decided not to — it was a heated decision.

I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games.

She said Wii.